5 Disgusting things about living with teenage boys and a man
Today I need to vent, so to help calm me down I wrote a list of things the general public probably weren't even aware of. 5 disgusting things I live with everyday.
1. Milo and Milk
Please read that title as ‘Milo and a smidgeon of Milk’.
Now I’ll admit the thought of eating milo out of a glass isn't just a thought, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s done it before. The disgusting thing about this isn’t the fact that my family is single-handedly keeping Nestle in business, it’s that they don’t put on any weight.
I could take a sniff of the milo and still manage to ingest hundreds of calories through my nasal passages straight through to my butt, but for some reason in my boys it disappears.
2. The 3 Second Rule
I believe in a NO second rule. But my sons (and Warren) all insist that there is a legitimate thing as a 3 second rule. Apparently there’s a sound argument behind it. And research, according to them, a lot of research. Bacteria won’t latch on to anything in that amount of time they told me. Of course you can’t argue with the science.
But who cares about bacteria?
If you drop your buttered toast, how long does it take for hair to stick to it?
3. Artistic Peeing
Boys/men are free spirits and don’t like being tied down by todays rules. If they have to pee, they’d like to do it with as little constraint as possible. Their ability to pee standing up, virtually anywhere, is a symbol of their freedom.
They don’t see the toilet bowl as a place of purpose.
To them, the toilet bowl is only a suggestion.
4. Picking on Each Other’s Manliness
There are 2 ways they interact with each other. They either play sport together, or they fight. Most of the fighting is, surprisingly, verbal. All comments to each other revolve around making a point that each is more feminine than the other.
5. Earth-Shattering Burps
Last time Son Number (I can’t remember which one because they’re all as bad as each other), burped with the strength of an Amazonian thunderstorm, I turned to him and said:
“Son (not that politely), do not burp, do not fart, and do not make noises with your armpit. You do not do that in front of a lady. Women find it offensive.”
At which point he turned to Warren and said: “Oh, pardon me Dad.”
(See point number 4)
Enough With the Lemons